Haywire Emotions
by Jetainia
Summary: After years of dealing with spikes of negative emotions from her soulmate, Lily finally says no and rejects the binding.


**Forum Block  
**Stacked With: MC4A (Shipping War; NC; StL; BAON; FPC; RoB; ER; SF; HoSE; O3; FR; LiCK); Hogwarts  
Individual Challenges: Short Jog; Click Bait It (Y); Lovely Triangle; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon (Y); Sett to Destroy (Y); Gryffindor MC [x2]; Hufflepuff MC; Slytherin MC; Medic MC; Minerva's Migraine; Rian-Russo Inversion [x2] (Y); Flags & Ribbons [x3] (Y x2); Old Shoes (Y); Times Go On (Y); Two Cakes!; Themes & Things A (Y); Themes & Things B (Y); Themes & Things C (Y); Snipping Thread (Y)  
Representations: Lily Evans & Alice LNU/Frank Longbottom; Soulmates; Lily rejects her soulmate  
Bonus Challenges: Second Verse (Three's Company; Zucchini Bread; Ladylike; Not a Lamp; White Dress; Persistence Still); Head of Perseus; Chorus (Unicorn; Machismo); Demo (Casper's House; Sweetest Burn)  
Tertiary Bonus Challenges: HoSE (Schooner; Sanctuary); O3 (Orator; Oust); FR (Liberation); LiCK (Poppy; Narcissus; Yarrow)  
Word count: 1,665

* * *

Lily first felt a jolt of emotion that wasn't hers in her second year at Hogwarts. A wall of hate slammed into her and she stumbled slightly, causing Alice to stop and grab her arm to steady her. Lily clung to her friend, desperately trying to see past the hatred that was filling her mind. It vanished as quickly as it had come, leaving Lily heaving in breaths and clinging to Alice and the nearby wall.

"Okay?" Alice asked, and Lily nodded shakily.

There wasn't even a lingering trace of the hate that had overwhelmed her. It was as if it was never there. Gradually, she managed to get her breathing under control. She waved a hand in Alice's direction as she explained, "Just… Emotion."

Alice made a noise of understanding. She had experienced her first flash of the emotions of her soulmate a few months ago and had grown used to them by now. "Good emotion or bad emotion?" she asked.

"Bad," Lily said. "Very, very bad."

"Come on, let's see if the house elves have any treacle tart."

Lily went with Alice willingly, still clutching to her friend like a lifeline. The emotion may have vanished and left no sign, but that didn't mean that she could miraculously recover from suddenly feeling such strong hate. She was still shaking slightly as they walked towards the kitchens where she was sure the house elves would happily ply the two girls with treats.

* * *

The second time she got a flash of emotion was when she was having lunch outside with Severus. The boy didn't notice when she stiffened from the disgust flowing through her, he was sneering at the group of Hufflepuff girls that were giggling over something Audrey had done as she read from a book.

Lily shook her head to clear the feeling away and took a vicious bite out of her sandwich, smacking Severus when she noticed he was glaring at the group of girls. She vaguely wished she was over there with them—Audrey was always fun to be around and maybe Severus would stop being so grumpy if he had more friends than just her.

For now, Lily would just be moody with him. Whoever her soulmate was, she really wished they'd lighten up and stop having such negative emotions that spilled over to her. She really, really, hoped that by the time the emotions were always hovering in the back of her mind, whoever they belonged to lightened up.

* * *

By her fourth year, Lily was getting frequent flashes of emotion (most of them negative) and a grey shadow had started forming on her left shoulder. She was fed up with whoever was on the other end of the line. She had James Potter chasing after her, and Severus acting weird and falling in with the Slytherin's that hated her because of her blood—she so did _not_ need the constant battering of negativity from her soulmate.

She had taken to hiding in the kitchens recently. Alice accompanied her more often than not and they gossiped about Alice's soulmate—the lovely Frank Longbottom—while the house elves used them as taste testers for whatever they were making at the time.

Every so often, Lily would flinch as yet another emotion flitted through her. Even the positive ones were barbed with bitterness and unpleasant to have rattling around her own skull. Each time she grimaced at another flash, Alice would squeeze her hand comfortingly, and each time, Lily found herself wishing that Alice was her soulmate instead of whoever seemed determined to live in misery and hatred.

* * *

In her fifth year, she tried to help Severus and got insulted for her efforts. The shouted insult of _mudblood_ combined with flash of hate and disgust she got at the same time made her narrow her eyes and turn away. Severus had been her friend for years, he had been the one to introduce her to the world of magic but he had been pulling away from the young boy she had once known.

She barely recognised him now.

Lily found herself making her way to the kitchens—they had become her haven as she dealt with the negative emotions thrust upon her. Alice was already there with Frank and they both opened their arms to her. She gratefully fell into them, eternally glad she had the two of them by her side. News had obviously travelled fast as neither Alice or Frank asked any question; they simply held her and offered treacle tart when she felt okay enough to uncurl enough to eat.

It was only the next day that she noticed the grey smudge on her left shoulder had solidified into a black potions vial and she stumbled back from the mirror in shock. _Severus_. The Fates had paired her with _Severus_. For a moment, she almost decide to give in and forgive Severus for his insult and the way he had been acting towards her all year. Then she decided that no, she was not going to accept this.

The flashes of disgust and hatred she had felt over the years came back to her and she realised that, of the ones she had been around Severus for, almost all of them had happened when he was looking at Hufflepuffs, half-bloods, or Muggle-borns—people that were 'beneath' him. As she thought back, she realised that he had acted as though he was above Petunia as well.

Screw the Fates. Lily would not be bound to a bigot and blood elitist.

Apparently Snape—he was no longer Severus to her—had other ideas. He came up to her in the Great Hall at breakfast that morning, excitedly baring the dark rhododendron on his lower arm in her direction. She looked at it enough to recognise the flower (she and Petunia had researched flowers and their meanings together when they were younger) before turning a glare at Snape.

He slowed in hesitation at her glare but pressed on. "Lily, we're soulmates!" he said loudly enough that the people around him could hear him easily.

She shrugged. "And? I have no desire to be bound to you. You've followed your other _friends_ for too long. You're one of them now."

"Lily…" Snape seemed lost for words, unsure of what he was supposed to do now. "We're soulmates," he repeated, as if that made all his previous behaviour acceptable.

When he reached out to touch her, she jumped out of her seat and stepped back hurriedly. "Stay the hell away from me!" she ordered. She would _not _accept him. She would not tolerate him. She would not take responsibility for his actions or try to make him take responsibility for them.

The flower etched on Snape meant danger and to flee—Lily found that accurate. Being friends or soulmates with Snape was not a healthy relationship for her to be in, and if Snape continued pushing it, he would be the one in danger and needing to flee. Lily _was not_ going to submit herself to years of torture purely because the Fates or Magic or sheer dumb luck decided she and Snape should be paired together.

Snape took another step towards her. "Lily, come on. We're _destined_ to be together."

"And just yesterday you were calling me a mudblood," Lily retorted. Everyone around them gasped at that—Lily ignored the crowd they had attracted, she didn't care if the whole world saw her denounce Severus Snape, so long as he got the point through his thick skull.

"I didn't mean it," Snape said, and Lily knew he was just saying that to make himself seem better.

She placed her right hand over the potion vial hidden by her sleeves and glared. "Yeah? Well, I _do_ mean this. I denounce you as my soulmate, Severus Snape. We are not, will not, and never have been soulmates. I refuse you and _you shall not mar my life and my skin any longer_."

As she spoke, she pulled her hand away from her shoulder, fighting an unseen pressure as she peeled the binding of souls away from her body and her own soul. It _hurt_ but it was better than being stuck with Snape for the rest of her life. After the final word left her lips, a black smoke appeared in her fingers and she threw it away, watching it dissipate into the air before collapsing backwards as the magical exhaustion hit her.

Strong arms caught her and she smiled woozily up at Alice who was looking down at her with an eyebrow raised and a concerned but proud expression. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," Alice returned. She adjusted Lily so that the Gryffindor girl could sit on her lap and lean against her, Frank sitting nearby and offering a comforting hand to Lily.

Severus had stumbled back as Lily threw the smoke away, staring down at his own arm where the rhododendron had started to fade. When he tripped on his robe, no one caught him. Rejecting a soulmate was something that only happened in tales and myths and now it had happened in front of them. No one was going to help the person that even their soulmate thought was no good.

Lily ignored him and the surrounding crowd. Instead, she rested her head on Alice's shoulder and held tightly onto Frank's hand. Severus Snape was no longer a part of her life. She smiled at the absence of negativity hovering in her mind from him; there would be no more headaches caused by his emotions.

A flash of pride bolted through her that she recognised instantly as belonging to Alice and, a few moments later, Frank. That made her smile wider. It hadn't been her plan to gain another soulmate after rejecting Snape, but she was perfectly happy to accept their friendship and love. She already knew the connection wouldn't change a thing about their relationship—it was perfect the way it was.


End file.
